This is a story as told by a broker, as remembered by me from over 8 hours ago:
“Fucking… My fucking weekend was a fucking nightmare. I fucking went to my fucking sisters house in fucking Indiana.”
Seriously that many “fucks” I shall continue.
“Her fucking kids are fucking crazy, fucking out of fucking control. Her 12 year old fucking daughter is a fucking bitch. I wanted fucking punch them all in their fucking little shit fucking faces. They have no fucking manners or fucking respect for anyone.”
Says the guy swearing up a storm in the middle of an office with other people in it.
“I was in her fucking room, and the little fucking bitch was like ‘It is MY room’ I wanted to fucked cold cock her, my hand was literally fucking cocked I was so fucking pissed.”
She’s 12 dude.
“My fucking sister got fucking Budweiser, she fucking knows I don’t fucking drink Budweiser. She fucking knows I only drink Miller fucking Light, I don’t drink that fucking Budweiser fucking bullshit, that shit is fucking bullshit. All she fucking had was Budweiser and fucking Guinness, I only fucking drink fucking Miller Light, she fucking knows that.”
Wow, spoiled on cheap as shit beer and complaining about being offered something that doesn’t taste like water. You’re quite the connoisseur sir.
I heard this story, pretty much just the way you read it, at least 5 times. The office he works in is pretty small, only like 6 people work there, and every time a new person came in, he told the story again. Then when he ran out of people to tell in the office, he started calling people on the phone to tell them. Quite a professional, this guy, not a potty mouth at all.
I’ve said my fair share of “bad words” but seriously dude, there’s such a thing as overuse. Tone it down a bit, fucko.
My tight bro “molecularbuttmonkey” aka Dick Swizzle aka Brian Austin Green, recent posed the question “If you had a theme song…”, on the Vomitus Prime forums. It’s actually a subject I’ve given some reasonable amount of thought to. The video at the top was my response to that thread, however, I don’t think just one song is really enough! I’m a complex fellow as you may or may not have noticed.
Anyway, there are several songs by one band, Sheer Terror, that I’ve found I more than completely identify with. The top one may be pretty obvious to a lot of people, but here are some others!
The first is called Burning Time. Now… I’m fairly sure that any readers I have, have already heard all of this stuff… or they don’t want to hear it. That’s alright though… I guess.
This next one is a pretty close second to Just Can’t Hate Enough for my personal theme song. This one is called I, Spoiler. I’ve gotta say, these little fucking players are really goddamned ugly. It was the first one I found with a nice little code to go with it, and easy instructions for use by lazy fucking know-nothing non-code using fuckwits like myself.
One more and then it’s time to go.
This one is called Here To Stay. There are a ton more fantastic Sheer Terror songs, I highly recommend checking them out. Just get Bulldog Edition, it’s an epic 2 disc set of (almost) every really good song.
I hope some you actually listen to the songs, and for fucks sake… LEAVE COMMENTS.
I’ve started carrying my voice recorder around so I can make notes of shit to talk about in here, since… I kind of usually forget about any really solid shit to write about. So maybe here in the near future it’ll be more than just… nothing. Kbye fuckyou!
To be totally honest, I used to hate anime… wait. I didn’t hate anime as much as I hate the anime fanboy/girl-ism culture. Dumb fucking white kids dressed up as cartoon characters at “cons”… it’s all just fucking ridiculous. As much as I don’t care what people think of me, I’d hate to be associated with those fuckers. A while back I was introduced to a show called Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, or just Gurren Lagann for short. It’s a 27 episode long series full of the most amazing shit ever. The story is really very moving… emotional even, check it out if you like big jiggly cartoon titties, and fucking robot fighting and explosions and people screaming ANIKI!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, what brought on this post was… BLEACH!!!! My brother tried to get me to watch Bleach for many many many months, and I wouldn’t do it. Finally, he sent me something like 40 or 50 dvd’s containing episodes 1-151. After watching the first few I was fucking hooked. What an amazing fucking storyline this show has! So, there was a three week gap between episodes 165 and 166, I was personally very excited for 166 and I was really pleased with what they turned out. It was definitely worth the 3 week wait! If you haven’t seen it yet and want to see the whole thing, I don’t recommend you watch the video I put together! AMAZING!
I know we haven’t always been friends Jim, and I know I might occasionally hang out with Evan, but why the sudden change? I mean, I thought we were pals, and now you’ve gone all… smooth capped on me. You used to have the most wonderfully grippy ridges, that allowed me to open you up with ease. It made it a much more simple process to pour you into the glass, especially after I had a few already.
Enough of that shit. Alright, what the fuck? The last 4 or 5 1.75L bottles of Jim Beam I’ve had, have had this fucking smooth shiny plastic cap on it. The first 20 or 30 bottles had a nice easy to grip (and thus easy to open) ridged cap. Why change it? Don’t fix it if it isn’t broken, isn’t that right? I can’t imagine that it’s really that much cheaper to use the smooth cap over the ridged one, is it? I love your product, and I like being able to open it without my fingers sliding around the cap for 30 seconds before I manage to get enough grip to open the motherfucker. Fix it, you fucking prick bastards.
If you look really closely at the pictures you should be able to see the difference. The top left one is smooth and evil, the bottom right one is ribbed for my pleasure. So, I’ve been saving caps from old bottles to replace the pile of shit they’ve been putting on the new ones.
Put down that motherfucking newspaper you fucking pile of dumbshit! You know what? All that fucking print will still be on that paper when you get where you’re going, how about you stop endangering the lives of others, or more importantly, making me sit through a fucking traffic light… that I could have easily made it through, if your pathetic fucking waste of space dumbfuck ass wasn’t in front of me. Are current events so important to you that you’ve gotta prop that newspaper up on your steering wheel so you can read it while you drive 65 mph down the fucking highway? Is your life worth the fucking Family Circle, or whatever useless bullshit you’re reading? So here’s the story… I’m on my home from work, a rather long day doing some rather unpleasant work in a home that’s in the process of being remodeled. Normally I don’t work in the “residential sector” of my “profession” but today I had to. I’m on my way home, sitting in a decently long line at a traffic light, I’ve been this way before though, so I know the light lasts a pretty good while. I should make it through with all of the cars in front of me with no trouble. Then I notice it… dickhead in front of me is reading something. Sure as shit, fucking newspaper. This fucking guy probably had all day in his cubicle where he pretended to do something productive, he could have read that shit then. No, now is the best possible time to catch up on what’s going on with the world. Light turns green, the 20 cars ahead of him and myself start going… he doesn’t. I give him a moment, still not moving, LET THE HONKING BEGIN. I see him look up in his rear view mirror at me, and he starts to go. At this point we’re probably about 50 yards from the intersection and the light is turning yellow, he guns it and crosses into the intersection just after the light turns red. I get to sit… I know it’s pretty lame to bitch about traffic and other drivers and shit. Everyone does that crap, it’s as bad as talking about the fucking weather. All I’m saying is, these driving multi-taskers have to be stopped.
Don’t put your fucking make up on while you’re driving, get up a little earlier and do it at home.
Don’t read the newspaper, do it at work or at home, or for fucks sake look at CNN.com while you’re sitting in front of your fucking computer all day.
Don’t stare in the rearview shaving your fucking face.
