Posted on: May 17th, 2010 Silly Bandz? More like Retarded Bandz for Retardz.
It’s grilling season again around the country, hooray! We prefer to use a charcoal grill in my household. We use natural, lump charcoal! It’s the best shit, and it has fucking nothing to do with what I’m about to fucking post about.
In order to light that marvelous charcoal ablaze, you have to have some kind of a fire making device… matches, a lighter, rubbing two fucking sticks together, whatever. My wife is the only smoker in the house, thus the keeper of the fire creation devices. Her friends… do not keep their own fire creation devices on hand, so they have a tendency to steal hers.
I’m digressing a whole lot… anyway, we didn’t have a fucking lighter in the house, or matches or any fucking thing to start a goddamned fire.
So, I head out into the world to purchase a lighter, so that I can start a fire in the grill to cook dinner on. The closest store that has the lighter I want is a Walgreens. I’m not sure if they have those everywhere in the world, if not… it’s a fucking drug/convenience store thing.
Having picked out all of the items I intend to purchase (utility lighter, regular-ass BIC lighter, box of matches… I must’ve looked like some kind of fucking arsonist at the checkout line) I proceed to the cashier.
Just then, this fucking cocksmoking son of a bitch and his daughter walk in, walk right up to the cashier (cutting in front of me) and proclaim:
WE ARE HERE FOR THE BIG SHIPMENT OF SILLY BANDZ!
Now, I personally know what the fuck these things are because I have an 8 year old step-son, and it’s honestly the only fucking thing I’ve heard come out of his mouth for the last week.
SILLY BANDZ SILLY BANDZ SILLY BANDZ
I’m not sure what’s fucking gayer about these things, the fact that they’re just fucking rubber bands that are shaped like things. Or… the fucking Z at the end of ”bandz.”
I guess they didn’t figure the kids could identify with them, or wouldn’t be into them without that Z. Everyone knows that all the hippest latest shit, that has a name that would otherwise end in S, is WAY better if they replace that S with a fucking Z (James Withazee aka Jamez).
Look ‘em up, they’re fucking stupid. Yes, we’ve bought some for the boy.
So this fucking assturd begins grilling the cashier about fucking Silly Bandz. She tells him that they have received no such large shipment of said Silly Bandz.
He then starts into this kind of a “wink wink nudge nudge” thing with the cashier.
No such shipment, huh? No Silly Bandz here huh?
Well… do you have anything that looks like these?
He points to the three bracelets his daughter is currently wearing/fondling.
No, she says, we don’t.
The man then starts apologizing to his traumatized looking daughter, and accuses the cashier of holding out on them.
The cashier is a woman, at least in her late 60’s, it’s clear she doesn’t give a fuck about fucking Silly Bandz, or this fucking line-cutting jagoff. She doesn’t appreciate his fucking accusation either.
Finally after what felt like 5 minutes of this asshole standing there staring down the cashier, which to be fair wasn’t hard… she had to be like 4′ 11″… he finally apologizes to his daughter, again… and they leave.
Fuck Silly Bandz.
I’ve said “Silly Bandz” here so many times, in hopes that it’ll pop up in a Google search, and some fucking cocknecked parent will come here in hopes of finding them.
I pity you parent.
3 Responses to “Silly Bandz? More like Retarded Bandz for Retardz.”
-
Raven Says:
May 27th, 2010 at 9:19 pmEpic win.
-
Anonymous Says:
July 8th, 2010 at 12:13 amohhh I’ve got to agree with this. Though, i’m a teenager, and of course everyone loves these because they like to like little kid paraphernalia because that’s apparantly “JUZT 2 KEWL.”……………-rolls eyes-
-
Me Says:
August 12th, 2010 at 10:15 pmThis is proof that further and further we keep the gene pool flowing, the more stupid and ignorant kids get… First its the clothes/style, then its the music, and now… They’re entertained by fucking RUBBER BANDS…. A FUCKING MONKEY ISN’T EVEN ENTERTAINED BY A RUBBER BAND!