What the fuck right? It’s the worlds fault I haven’t said some shit in a while. It’s full of uninteresting fuckfaces, not unlike myself, that aren’t supplying me with the necessary means to ramble on endlessly about shit.
The Adam Carolla podcast, if you haven’t yet… you need to check this shit out. I’ll admit I wasn’t the biggest fan of the dude before he started podcasting. The Man Show and Loveline were alright I guess, not really my kind of shit. The podcast though, fucking hysterical. Bill from Vomitus Prime hipped me to it, and I thank him for that. It’s a daily show (5 days a week) with various famous personages as guests. My favorite guest most recently was Jack from Jack in the Box. We don’t have Jack in the Box in my area, but for some reason we have the commercials… odd.
I’m still playing Warhammer, yes I made it past the initial free period and am now paying for it. It’s a good fun time killing folks and whatnot blah blah blah blah actually like basically (Will).
Blogging for the sake of blogging is fucking stupid. Work has been slow, it’s hot as fuckshit and it’s only fucking April. The fucking air conditioning in this joint is busted, potentially being fixed tomorrow. We’ve been sleeping in the living room, as it’s the coolest room in the house, although not at all that cool (still 80 degrees, fuck you Canadians! figure your own celsius shit out!) The fucking brakes on the car need to be fixed, hopefully we’ll be able to take care of that this weekend. I’m pretty mechanically retarded so hopefully I can figure it out or I can get my father to come and help… since it isn’t safe to drive over to their house.
We have a grill, it was donated to us by our friends Pam and Kory (Kory also gave me a gently used bottle of Crown Royal, thanks! It was delicious!). It’s a pretty burly grill, uses the charcoal which produces a taste in the foods that I prefer over the propane. It is easier, of course, to use a propane grill… I think that shit is better for the environment, though more expensive.
That’s it.
ZOMBIES. Fuck ‘em, and fuck the people that are all fucking zany for them. It’s just like everything else (twitter), all of a sudden there’s this massive surge of popularity in all aspects of media and culture. In a few months no one will give a fuck about the fucking zombie walk you want to have in your town or your fucking zombie themed podcast (very specific!). They DEFINITELY won’t give a fuck about this blog post in a few months.
Fuck twitter too, I’ve said it before, it’s the god damned stupidest fucking thing. No one gives a fuck what you’re doing at ANY particular moment of the day. Why do you find it to be so important to constantly update them? “It’s like an instant message but to everyone at once” (English Dave) Haven’t you ever heard of a fucking mass text mail or a mass email you fucking Englisher?!
Posted on: March 22nd, 2009
Buh. I’ve been planning on doing this for a few days now, but I haven’t really had the motivation to actually do it. Now I find myself with ample time and little to do but listening to the echoing screams of children on bouncy air filled doo-dads, more on that further down.
I guess I’ll start with the most recent shit. I got up this morning in a good mood, as one might normally do on a weekend, nothing pressing to do, just relax with the family… among other things. We have plans to pick up some planters for some herbs and vegetables we’re growing. We also want to pick up some miscellaneous garden tools to straighten up the yard and plant some grass… as there is none at all in our “backyard.” I picked up my phone to call my mother to let her know that we’re coming over to get the shit, and I notice I have a text message from my sister that she sent at 5 o’clock this morning. Generally if you get a call or a text message that early, it’s because something fucked up has happened. Lo and behold this was the case.
Some dickless fuck and his fucking cocksmoking friends apparently (and I haven’t heard a full first hand account of it yet… so this is going on third hand information) beat the shit out of my brother. In the process of which they shattered his jaw and knocked out 8 of his teeth. Why? Well as far I’ve heard my brother and this one dude bumped into each other, had some words and then went their separate ways. Then this guy rounded up some of his friends, tracked down my brother at the bar he was at and then proceeded to pummeling. They then dragged him outside and continued. Where the fuck were the bouncers? Is it not their job to stop shit like this before it gets to broken jaws and missing teeth? Goddamned assholes, what do you get paid for?
Like I said, I don’t have a ton of information about it yet. I know at this moment he’s in surgery getting titanium plates installed in his face and having his jaw wired shut. I can only hope that that spineless fuck that couldn’t man up and let it go, gets his fucking comeuppance.
The other shit I was going to talk about seems pretty fucking unimportant now, but I’ll do it anyway. Content is content, right?
Hmmm … what else….
About 12 days ago I found out that EA/Mythic had finally come out with a 10 day free trial for Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning. A game I had long wanted to play but could not convince a certain someone that I was responsible enough to not play way too much like a fucking dickhead. So, I downloaded the trial, and as I had suspected I really enjoy it. Then I looked into how much the game costs for the full version and found out that Gamestop had dropped the price on it from 50 dorrah to 30 dollars. So I went in to the local store and requested a copy. They just so happened to have the collectors edition of it and were selling it for the same price! Hot damn! I think they were 90 – 100 when the game was first released, so that’s a hell of a savings! Plus if you do the upgrade within the game… they still charge you 50 dollars, buh to that. It’s been a lot of fun so far. I generally hate PvP in video games but Warhammer makes it fun (they call it RvR though).
……………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Several hours later, we made the trip to my parents house after Monkey Joes… that’s where the screaming was going on. We acquired the necessary gardening/yard maintenance tools from them and came home. I chopped the shit out of the ugly as fuck tree/plant/bush things in the front yard and bagged ‘em up. I also planted some grass seeds in the backyard (one at a time! but not really!)
My brother is out of surgery and spending the night at the hospital, he’s got his jaw wired shut and won’t be eating any solid food for the next month +. I asked him if he felt like Thomas Vanek, he said yes (via text message).
So that’s it for right now. You’re very welcome for this big old wall o’ text. I typed it up on my netbook! Maybe I’ll write up some shit about that soon.
Also, I would have been significantly more fired up about the absinthe with an e thing and WARHAMMER if I had done this post before today.
Fuck the cockholes that jumped my brother, man up you sonsabitches. COMEUPPANCE I TELL YOU.
Congratulations Comcast, you came through and supplied me with the product (cable box) you should’ve given me in the first place. It looks good, no more scrolling purple lines, the box doesn’t look like it’s older than my son… awesome.
A few things to mention though… you don’t have to call 6 fucking times to confirm the appointment. Just once is sufficient, I’m not going to change my mind about needing the service call.
“Hello Mr. (my last name tee hee!) this is Comcast calling to confirm that you still need a service call!”
“Yeah…..”
The second to last call from them was to inform me that they’d need to reschedule due to the tech’s van “breaking down.” So they asked if it would be ok if they came between 11 and 2, instead of the original 8 to 11. No problem! I understand some work van trouble, I’ve had it myself. Of course when the dude shows up, I see the bright shiny red gas can in the back of the van. Apparently “broke down” and “didn’t fill up the gas tank” are synonymous.
Anyway, thanks to them! Now I can see HD tv’s without the annoying scrolling purply lines. Apparently bitching anonymously on the internet can yield positive results.
Posted on: February 13th, 2009
I told Brian Austin Greene that I’d put this picture up.
Downtown Atlanta, across the street from Piedmont Park.
Hello “friends”! I noticed those fucks on The Geekshow Podcast mentioned my fucking thing… so… WELCOME NEW READERS!!!
It’s been a minute since last I updated this what-have-you, blog fucking thing. It’s because I’m incredibly uninteresting and I rarely ever allow anything interesting to happen to me. Sometimes, however, I can’t avoid being thrust into some shit that merits being typed about here.
It’s that time of year where our (the U.S. of A) government, returns just a little bit of the money they stole from us throughout the preceding year. It’s my favorite time of the year, as it’s when I get to get a little zany and pick up some expensive-ass shit.
This year we (that’s my wife and I) decided it was finally time to get out of the fucking mid-nineties and get a proper television. The one we were using had been in my family for at least a decade… possibly slightly less. This fucking thing is a beast of a TV, 25 inches of convex tube horror. The Xbox we recently got looked like moldy dog shit on it, the picture was all chopped off on the edges and you couldn’t read a fucking thing on it because the text was too goddamned small. SO! We hunted down a new television! A better television! Finally in the year 2009 I can afford a fucking LCD tv, these bitches have really come down in price!
There’s a chain of stores here in the southeast that has excellent deals on a lot of brand name electronics, most notable is the huge selection of LCD and plasma televisions that take up the majority of the store. We went there the weekend before we were scheduled to receive our tax refund, and looked at what they had available to aid in figuring out which we would get.
(This is a ridiculously convoluted story to get to hating Comcast)
The new TV. Complete with Spongebob, Mr. Krabbs and a painting by me.
We found the one we wanted, a 42″ 1080p Sharp LCD with a sticker price of $698!! Quite a fucking deal right? Right! So! We got the tax refund a few days earlier than we thought we would, so my lovely wife went to get the TV while I was at work, lo and behold… the price has dropped to $598! Wow! But alas, none in stock… but wait! A floor model! At a discount you say?! Sold! We ended up with the TV we wanted for 200 less dollars than we thought we’d be paying. It’s a nice fucking television, although it isn’t difficult to be better than the piece of shit we were using.
Well now… we’ve got an HD capable TV… what about our cable? Comcast offers HD, just have to get an HD box don’t we? Welly welly welly well, let me just get that set up right away! Oh but wait, they want to send out a technician to install it (as if I can’t plug in a fucking cable box), oh and they can’t come out for over a week? That’s pretty fucking retarded. That isn’t what this is about though…
The dude shows up with this very clearly used, old-as-a-really-old-fucking-thing of a box and starts setting it up. When I say “starts setting it up” I mean he set it on my TV bench and I plugged everything in because I didn’t want him fucking anything up. He turned on the TV and switched the channel to ESPNHD, this is when I discovered what has got to be one of the top 5 most annoying sounds in the world… FUCKING SQUEAKY BASKETBALL SHOES. I don’t know how anyone can play basketball or watch basketball with all of that motherfucking squeaking going on, cable guy had that shit on for a solid 10 minutes (seriously, it doesn’t take that long to hook it up) SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK *score* SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK. Fucking maddening, this is still not the reason I say Comcast are motherfuckers.
I think they guy might have ascertained that I was thoroughly annoyed by the basketball he had put on, so he changed the channel and informed me he was waiting for the box to finish acquiring the guide and he was waiting for On Demand to start working. Meanwhile, on the channel he changed it to there are these transparent purple-ish bars that are scrolling up the screen, which he points out and says:
“You see these lines, it’s these cheap component cables. I recommend an HDMI cable (he pronounced the H thus – HATE-CH)”
“Oh, I’ve got one of those, I’ll switch it out… no problem”
At this point he decided that he was tired of waiting on his dispatcher to tell him if the On Demand portion of our cable is working properly or not, and that if there are any problems he’ll be sure to call me up and walk me through it.
As soon as he leaves I lean over and look at the back of the “new” cable box and notice… no fucking HDMI port on the goddamned thing. Now I’ve got fucking scrolling purple lines on all of the HD channels and no goddamned way to make it any fucking better, and the motherfucking useless ass technician didn’t bother to fucking tell me that although he recommends using an HDMI cable to attach the fucking box to my fucking TV… there’s not a way to fucking do it with the goddamned 5 year old piece of shit cable box he’s just attached to my TV.
I called Comcast yesterday (Monday) and requested the updated box they have with the HDMI and component connections, the lady on the phone told me “no problem just take it to your local Comcast store and they’ll swap it out.”
“Far out” I thought, and we packed it up and headed over to our local branch… just to find out they don’t open on Mondays.
Fuck you installer, fuck you lady on the phone. Fuck you Comcast for knowingly installing sub-standard cable boxes and fucking sub-standard component cables. What the fuck do I pay you so much money every month for?
The Xbox looks damned good on it though! Watcho!
The title is slightly deceiving, but only slightly, as the only time (apart from work) that I’ve left the house was over the holidays. Leaving the house then is on the edge of mandatory, unless you’re some kind of fucking family and friendless goddamned loser (I’m close!).
I went to a new years eve party at (gasp) friends of ours (ours meaning my wife and I). It was good times, lots of food and drinks, lots of interesting conversation and other such party things. I can imagine I would have had more difficulty having a good time had there been more people there. Baby step into a party.
We traded in the family Wii (I say family, it was actually a birthday present for my son. He never played on the fucking thing though), and got a shiny new Xbox 360 (pro). We had the Wii for 1 year, we’ve had the Xbox for just about a month, and I can say without any doubt the fucking thing has already been played on more than the Wii ever was. If you’re one of these people that really really wants a Wii and you’re spending an unreasonable amount of time trying to find one so you can buy it… stop right now, the fucking novelty wears off… fast.
Ubbbb… I’m trying out the new Windows 7 hoo-ha beta public what-have-you that was just released. I’ve gotta say, it’s fucking badass.
I haven’t experienced Vista very much, but from what I have experienced it’s fucking terrible next to this-a-here Windows 7. Hell, my wife even wanted me to put it on her computer, and she’s not normally very technologically adventurous. Especially if there’s a chance it might put her puter out of commision. I’ve also got to mention that her computer is not the most update piece of technology in the house. Admittedly I’m a bit of a fucking spoiled brat when it comes to getting new stuff, so she ends up with my hand-me-downs. Anyway, she’s running a single core old-as-fuck AMD 64 3400+ with 1gb of ram, and Windows 7 runs like a goddamned champ.
Coming pretty soon I’m going to finally finish the “virtual mixed tape” I started for my wife a while back. I don’t listen to a whole lot of sappy bastard music, so it probably won’t have a lot more of that on it. Maybe I’ll do it Mediocre Show six pack style and fucking bore you to tears with my monotonous commentary in between the tracks… who knows.
BAW.
Posted on: December 23rd, 2008 Note to self.
Don’t order or eat any of those meat lovers pizzas from anywhere. It may cause a Shining “elevator full of blood” torrent of vomit to leap from your body which you luckily make it at least into the bathtub and not all over the floor.
I’ve heard it’s real hip with the kids these days to review podcasts, some dumb fat fuck that will not be linked here (no free advertising for you shitneck) ripped on my favorite podcast, Vomitus Prime. To that dude I say, go fuck yourself with a fucking can of Zyklon-B. You like Uh Yeah Dude, clearly you have no fucking clue what quality audio content is.
Previously I did a little silly time post about another podcast I’m a fan of, The Mediocre Show… and that fucking dumb shit fat motherfucker sad excuse for a podcast host “tha Mike”. So I caught wind of some interesting comments he made on his “show” (quotation marks denote the opinions of it’s fans and hosts, not mine), after reading an email from a fan of his “show.” The email was from a young (?) lady (?) named Missy, who I may or may not have had a hand in running out of another AWESOME shows chat room, THE HOOTER AND GREENWAY SHOW. Anyway, that’s what her email was about, she talked some shit about us (the HnG listeners) and she talked some shit about HnG themselves.
When he finished reading the email he talked his own shit “blah blah they need to shape up” as if he’s got more pull with the network than a show that has been on it for several years to his several months…. lost my steam here… uhhhhhh.
So he’s talking about the folks in the chat and likens it to the Mediocre Show chatroom, which I also frequent, and he says something like (and I’ll put the clip on this post) “there’s this one prick in there, if I ever met him I’d punch him in the fucking face.”
Maybe it’s arrogant to assume I’ve harassed him enough to think he meant me… but honestly, he’s got to either mean me or my tighest of bro’s molecularbuttmonkey. Either way, this motherfucker takes the interwebs way too seriously, I might harass the fuck out of people in chatrooms and troll some forums… but in no way do I threaten physical harm over these here tubes. So to you, fuckface, I say you are a coward. Also, I don’t believe for a fucking second that you got away with punching some random dude in the mouth, even if it was for shoving your kid. There’s that.
While I’m at it, I’ll give you another podcast recap for the latest Random Ass Show:
Zack: Ca-Caw Ca-Caw DRIVERS
Josh: HUHAHAHUHAHAHA
Zack: Ca-Caw Ca-Caw Drivers GODDAMNIT
Josh: Drivers license cereal box
Zack: Ca-Caw SOBER AS THE BIRD I SOUND LIKE
Josh: …
Zack: Ca-CAW Kelli’s sister CA-CAW GODDAMNIT BAD DRIVER
Josh: HAHAHAHA
ZACK: CA-CAW NEEDS MORE ADDERALL
Enjoy.
The Awful Show Is Faggotry:
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What a surprise! You get a call from a mo-sheen at 9pm just as you’re settling in for an evening of drinks and internet radio, it’s the tail end of your account number followed by the statement “your service will be disconnected on our next business day.” You only hear the end of your account number, because whatever fucking retard they had set up their automated message delivering service didn’t allow for voicemail greetings; so the second the greeting starts the stupid machine launches it’s assault.
Anyway, back to the story… this is the point where I start thinking “did I get a bill and just overlooked it?!” so I’m scrambling around the house looking for and through every scrap of mail we’ve gotten in the last month. Nope, nothing here, how can I owe them money if they haven’t sent me a bill?! Also, why the fuck didn’t they call earlier? At least if they had called during their business hours I could have sorted the shit out right then instead of having my fucking night all fucked up and losing sleep thinking these motherfuckers are going to come out here in the morning and shut my shit off.
So I call them up the moment they opened this morning and get right through, the lady was pretty helpful and helped me sort it all out. As it turns out… the magical zip code finder tool their office uses gave them the wrong zip code for my house, so they had sent a bill, but it never made it to me because it wasn’t addressed properly. Dumbfucks, I didn’t even get an apology or anything. I’ll bet my account got some kind of mark against it too.
